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I feel as if I'm in the middle of a complete physical, mental and emotional breakdown. Some of you know I've been dealing with some serious health issues for the last 4 or 5 years. Because I'm diabetic and it wasn't under control for years I am now in End Stage Renal Disease and go to dialysis 3 times a week. It's hard sometimes to know if I don't do these treatments I will eventually get so toxic I will die. I have been there before the first time and had doctors tell me you probabbly had a week left. I have also developed other conditions because of this. I have been in the hospital so many times if the past few years, it's sad to say nurses, techs, and doctors know me by name when they see me. I know all the pre-op people in the hospital and sometimes it feels like routine. Just this year alone I've had 5 procedures done, 3 in the last two weeks and I have another done Friday.

I've reached the point that I am just tired. There are some days when all I do is cry and don't even know why. I have moments of depression where it's hard for me to come out but I know I have to force myself or I'll stay there. Family and other people think I'm so strong or have no feelings, but that's not true often times I feel too much and I feel if I don't hold it inside I'll never stop crying or just completely lose it. This cyber world is my only relief if I didn't have this and my faith I don't know what I would do. I just had to write this down to get it off my chest it's been weighing me down.


Does anyone know the difference between a netbook and a laptop? I've been having computer problems and see that netbooks are cheaper than laptops and desktops. Since I only use the computer for internet access does it make a difference?

Thank You

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent me the lovely birthday wishes yesterday. Thanks again to Viv for the great B/J icon. Finally thank you to the anonymous person who sent me the sunflower and beautiful message.


I'm still sitting here crying. I hate the thought of offending anyone. I live a very quiet life. My on-line friends and communities mean a lot to me. They are people and places where I can talk. I don't have any RL friends. I don't have people I can talk to about things or share my passion about shows like QAF or AWZ or Law and Order. To be cut off in anyway really hurts me. I apologize to any of you if I ever responded to any post or comment that has offended you in anyway, I never want to do that.

Thank You!

I wanted to thank the anonymous gift givers for the two V-gifts I've received in the last couple of days. Thanks, it really brightened my day to see those in my inbox. It really means a lot to me to know that someone is thinking about me and cares. I only have one close RL friend so you ladies and guys on LJ mean a lot to me.

Finally Home!

I just spent a week in the hospital. The doctor was holding me hostage since last Friday. There is nothing like your own bed and house. I have to get wireless so I can stay connected while in the hospital. I missed you guys. My family says I'm an internet junkie and need help.

Thank You!

Thank you to those who left the sweet comments at the Valentine's Extravaganza page.

Naughty or Nice Meme

Stolen from foreverbm

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Tuesday I punched foreverbm in the arm (-10 points). In March on a flight to LA, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). Last Sunday I ruled Iran as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). Last week I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). Last Saturday I bought porn for galeandrandy (-10 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-60 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Meme The world's shortest Personality Test

You Are Calculating

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.

Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.

You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.

You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.

You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

Good News

My kidneys started functioning again. I no longer have to go to dialysis. They are going to monitor me weekly at my doctor's office to make sre everything is okay.



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August 2011


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